ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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