We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize