I think im going to throw up on grandma
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
