I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
