I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize