just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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