i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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