I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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