He kissed a someone with a penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
