I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
