IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
