i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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