So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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