Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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