My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
