His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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