I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
