I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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