So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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