Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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