I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
