i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
