I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize