He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
