I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We are all done wearing pants today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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