I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
