How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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