also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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