but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
