i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
