rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
