My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
