I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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