do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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