i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
