my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
