The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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