if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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