Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
