I hate your face
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
