new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
