Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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