Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
