i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My pussy is not your playground.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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