the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
