Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
