How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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