like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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