Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
