he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
