based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
