i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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