I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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