how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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