3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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