i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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