No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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