Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize