Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
