Did you just see the Batmobile???
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
