This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Randomize
