Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
