So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
