i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You ruined the universe
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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