Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
