I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my liver is dry heaving
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
