So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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