remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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