At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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