So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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