i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
