The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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