Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
worst night to have a conscience
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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