things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
