I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
