There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize