Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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