Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize