dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
