It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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