Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
