Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize