I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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