Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
