guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
