But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
