I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
