Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
