She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
