He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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