apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize