I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This toilet bowl is my home.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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