yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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