Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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