I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
