Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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