seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
