I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
