It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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